Today someone asked me how you are and I realised that I don’t know.
I couldn’t tell you who you spend your days with and I couldn’t tell you what’s important in your life lately; or who is important in your life (clearly, not me). I don’t know and I realised that I haven’t known for a while. It’s a funny thing; change, because I used to know everything. I used to talk to you every day and I could tell you all of your little quirks, antics and daily adventures. Hell, I used to be a part of them. But now, I’m not. I haven’t been for a while.
You all too gracefully walked out of my life, took your final bow and exited stage left. I was just a scene in the movie that is your life and the curtain finally went down on me, leaving me in the dark.
You know, I used to miss you, our inside jokes, our nonsensical conversations and our wild adventures. I used to miss that friendship so much. But I never felt like you missed me, or even remembered and missed the things that I did. So, eventually I stopped missing you. I used to be mad. I was so angry at how you could just walk out of my life and forget about me and it made me both sad and mad at the same time, making me think I hated you.
It took me a while, but I’ve slowly come to the realisation that a “friend” isn’t someone that only texts you when they want or when they need something. It’s not someone that just makes small-talk with you and waves at you from across the bar and it’s definitely not someone who doesn’t know how you are or who you are. Let’s be honest, it doesn’t take long for life to come around and change people.
To me, you’ve become a stranger. Not for lack of caring, but because quietly, without you ever really noticing it, you stopped knowing who I was. You stopped asking how I was and in that time, I’ve changed. I bet you don’t know about my latest struggles and triumphs. If you do, you haven’t congratulated me or asked me if I’m doing okay.
It took me way too long to realise that you shouldn’t stay friends with people who never ask how you are. In simpler words, you don’t know how I am and you never asked.
But in case you were wondering, I’m not sad, I’m not mad and I don’t hate you. The thing is, I just don’t care anymore. I let go of you just like you let go of me. But sometimes, I do wonder how you are. I hope that one day someone asks you how I am, I hope you realise that you don’t know, I hope you miss me and I hope it hurts.